This keeps hitting me. It's like my own life is a shock collar right now & I keep having to return to the moment because my daydreams are vivid and my life seems filtered through unknown things.
Words have always been there for me, writing has always been my escape. At this time in my life though, I can't even describe how I feel. I can't make sense of the feelings inside of me. All I keep saying is this: I have never been so excited about something, and equally terrified.
Our closing date is June 23rd. 41 days from today. On that day I will leave behind everything that I love best.
I honestly don't know the purpose of this post or where I'm going with it, but if anything I want you to be able to grasp how beautiful and exciting life is. I want you to close out this tab with tears in your eyes and joy in your heart for your own life. It shouldn't take leaving for me to realize how much I love living here. I am aware of fleeting seconds more that ever before. And now that time is running short, my heart is like a wildfire devouring every spare memory I can to store in long term. I challenge you to do two things today: love fearlessly and laugh heartily.
word's are already falling short. How can I thank something for being my everything? To my people: you know who you are. Thank you for the best memories in the world. Everything from finding worms, to sleepovers, to walks to the coffee shop, to wednesday night choir practices at church, to hide-and-seek in the neighborhood, to watching sunsets, to lemonade stands, to trips together, to laughing and crying with you, to babysitting and eating meals together, the first 13 years of my life have been the wildest adventure. Even if you don't live here anymore, I still think of you when I think of my life here because everyone that is and ever has been in my life here are the reasons I can't express the contentment I have with wandering these streets. What a miracle it is that our lifetimes even crossed paths. Y'all are the reason I've learned what it feels like to laugh with joy. Y'all are the reason I know what it feels like to have your heart swell with love. Y'all have taken such good care of me and my family. My mom has always said "people are much more important than things" and I realize the truth in that statement more now than I ever have because I would leave everything I own in a second to take y'all with me. To thank you all individually would take an entire book. My vocabulary doesn't have any more adjectives to describe it. I'm speechless. What did I do to deserve the showers of grace C'land is to me??? This is a failed attempt, but I feel like I've at least hit the target, though it's far from the bull's eye.
Cleveland, you contain within your perimeter 95% of my life. I've learned everything I know here. I've laid in bed countless nights completely happy, others completely sad. I've experienced all there is to experience as a little kid growing into a teenager here. And I've missed way too many opportunities to thank God for the miracle of every day.
In the next 41 days, I want to take every second into account, and focus on the joy it is to be breathing this air. I want to savor as many sunsets as possible, and make the purest simple memories in the moment. Before the sun sets every night, I want to live to the fullest capacity.
Y'all mean more to me than you could ever imagine. I love you
and miss you already!
with all my heart,
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. -Winnie The Pooh